Leave it in 2014

My sister said something to me in the car today that had me thinking.

“He is someone you should not bring into 2015. I can hear it in your voice, he drains you.”

Imagine this, being twenty two years old living in one of the most beautiful states there is, having a great job where it doesn’t feel like you work a day in your life, and having a boyfriend who you think is the ONE.

That was me. I thought my life was PERFECT. I was living in Colorado, the best place I have ever lived, the state I have always wanted to make my “home”. I had an amazing job that I loved going to everyday, I never felt like I was actually working. I was in a relationship with a guy who made waking up every day worth it, and a guy who wanted to take me on adventures.

Now imagine this, being twenty three years old, traveling around Central America with no worry in the world, and fighting every other week with the guy you wanted to build a forever future with.

Once again that was me. At first everything seemed perfect. Planning a four month long adventure around Central America. Leaving the country for the first time and doing all of this with the “perfect” guy. One month into what was supposed to be the best four months, everything changed and paradise no longer felt like paradise.

You wake up one morning back in Colorado, twenty three years old, and beginning that great job once again but something is different. What is different you ask? Your significant other who you thought would be your “forever” looks you in the eye and tells you he is leaving you.  

Now you’re just this twenty three year old living in Colorado with an amazing job but no energy to enjoy the life you have been blessed with.

This was me.

I thought that I knew what LOVE was. I thought I found the ONE. But in all reality I was blind. I was ignoring every sign that was telling me to walk away first. I should have been the one to look him in the eyes and tell him I was leaving. Instead I let myself get hurt. I let it break me apart. I let it change me in a way I never thought was possible.

I lost myself in a relationship. You should never lose yourself. I put everything I had into this relationship. His needs were more important than mine. His happiness was the only thing that mattered to me. I forgot to make myself happy. Losing myself in that relationship got so bad that I gained too much weight, and I lost touch with those who really mattered.

I should have been finding myself. I should have been becoming a better version of myself.

In no way am I saying that he was a horrible person, and he did this to me. I am simply saying that he was not the person for me. He was not the person who was going to better me in any way.

When he walked away it was a blessing in disguise. I was able to remove myself from the toxic environment. I was able to focus on myself.

No one should ever stay in a relationship because they are afraid of being alone. 

I thought it was easier to fight with him everyday instead of leaving him.

In my opinion the hardest part about a break up and figuring out whom you were before the relationship started. In order to do that you need to look at the person you have become. Do you like the person you have become? In my case, I hated the person I had become.

In the months following the break up I did a lot of searching within myself. I started to enjoy my surroundings again. I began loving myself again. I found the person I was meant to be.

Today I am 23 years old living in Chicago with my family. I have a great job that has made me realize my full potential. I am in a happy and healthy relationship with someone I have known for 5 years. Being in this relationship has really opened my eyes to what was wrong with my previous relationship. I finally realized that my happiness is just as important as his. I also realized that I need to love myself first or I won’t be able to open my heart to what real love is.

With 2015 being two weeks away I refuse to bring anyone with me who won’t bring out the good in me. I want those who are positive, happy, and full of life with me in 2015.